Maddening Euphoria

Ever feel like you're running around in circles?

Maddening Euphoria is a unique, challenging arcade game with randomly generated level design, in which you control brother and sister duet Mason and Millicent Zane as they flee from their own imagined realisation of their troubles in life - an inescapable wall of death - while avoiding bottomless pits, deadly spikes and speed-reducing pools of thick goo. Keep within spitting distance of the wall to receive a short, colourful Second Wind speed boost and gain the opportunity to be one eighth euphoric.

Not enough for you? Don your favourite fedora, go for eight pieces, and enter the multicoloured rainbow world of Euphoria where time goes even faster, spikes disappear and time speeds up dramatically.

Meanwhile, choose from 36 game themes (or throw it on Shuffle), each containing seven poems ranging from surprisingly clever to embarrassingly hideous. If you're English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, German, Spanish, Japanese, American or from Bristol or Norwich, I apologise profusely. Have the game mock your failures in one of 51 ways of varying levels of Britishness. And work your way through over 100 challenges that pit your wits against all of the arcade game modes and everything you can do within them. All while other people's highscores eclipse and shame you.

This is the flashiest, fleshiest Maddening to date. It even has some diamondy bits.

Just don't buy it if you suffer from epilepsy. (Please.)